When I first started this blog, I thought, you know what? I’m not going to touch religious pins. I’m just going to stay away.
That didn’t last very long. There’s just too much that’s ripe, ripe for satire. Some of the Godly pinners remind me of my favourite Arrested Development characters; their complete lack of self-awareness is an excellent source of LOLs.
I can’t help myself. To those Bible literalists, I’m sorry if I offend you. And seriously, stop taking the Bible literally. It’s not meant to be read that way. Leviticus? Yeah.
The Bible has tons of advice about how to have fun when you’re young. These include living a loving, meaningful life, in which do unto them as you would have done unto yourself. Or something.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure that limiting yourself to association only with other Christians isn’t what Jesus meant when he went to hang out with lepers and prostitutes.
Pinner Cindy Fredrickson disagrees. Here are her stringent dating tips for young women:
Here’s the full text of the fun dating rules for young women:
- I will date only those young men who live Church standards.
- I will attend only activities that meet Church standards [this is where the real fun begins!].
- I will save physical intimacies for marriage [does this include "gateway" intimacy? Are women and men allowed to breathe the same air? Should we sit in separate rooms? Maybe we can consult Saudi Arabia for some ideas on how to keep women as confined, and clean!, as possible].
- I will uphold high standards of modesty in my dress, language and actions [actions! How does that work? No speaking? If women shouldn't be seen or heard, what are they meant to do? Disappear?].
- I will make a list of personal qualities that I would like the young men I date to possess [standard].
- I will return home from each date clean and unashamed [what if one of your Church standard dates involves hiking or rock climbing?].
- I will discuss my dating activities with my parents [WTF. Nowhere in the Bible are women instructed to talk about their dates with their parents. If Mary didn't have to tell her folks that God knocked her up, then I certainly don't have to tell my dad that I went bowling with a nice, Church standard gentleman. That's between me and Jesus.]
My biggest problem with this list is that it applies only to women. Men are free of the constraints of Church standards, it seems, and can return home dirty and ashamed, or not at all! Vote Romney.
As Kathy Price comments on the original pin, “The people I know that let their hearts and body lead the way usually have ended up with std’s and broken hearts…save it for the special one worked for us!”
STDs and broken hearts–that’s what you can look forward to as a secular, young woman. Because denying yourself love and cutting yourself off from anyone who isn’t “Church standard” sets you up for a pain-free life, which you can expect to leave with your heart in one piece.
BRB, burning in hell.