It’s time to tart up your labradoodle

12 Sep

Well, that title came out dirtier than I intended. Tarting up your pets is, however, a growing trend.

I guess that once you’re done dressing your children and night tables in tutus, pets are the only pure, plain thing left. And they can’t be left that way, can they? No.

This is Pinterest.

Does your dog wear earrings? No? What is it, poor or something?

Screencap of a Pinterest pin with a dog and a tiffany blue earring.

Vogue, girl. Good girl! I can’t imagine the number of treats dolled out at this photo shoot.

Yet another question: is your dog a “girly girl”? For the low price of $59, you can buy those earrings and find out.

If your precious furry fashion doll is a more granola-type, s/he may prefer a crochet bonnet. If you’re a true crochet-enthusiast, you can wear the matching poncho out in public. Did I say crochet-enthusiast? I meant sadomasochist. Sorry.

Screencap of a black and white pug, in a very formal three quarter pose, wearing a green crochet bonet with holes for the ears and a giant blue pom pom on top.

Formal, yet hilarious–dog portraiture at its best. Just look at that stoic, inured expression; it’s almost regal, like a painting of a prince about to go off to war. This is a pug Boston terrier who has worn many dog bonnets before, and will wear many more before he finally makes his long-planned escape.

Cats have a harder time bearing this sort of humiliation.

Screencap of a Pinterest pin of a very fat, soft cat wearing a teal blow tie, its eyes tearing up in embarassment, and, perhaps, anger.

Those eyes: so much pain, and just enough anger to make me slightly afraid. This bow tie makes the cat look like he’s been freshly expelled from a feline barbershop chorus, and has eaten his feelings about it.

The tie comes in plaid too, if you’d like to turn your cat into an unwilling hipster. They’re currently buy-one-get-one-free: every cat’s nightmare.

Pet accessories: stop at the collar, because it’s a slippery, glittery slope straight to pet (and “pet parent”) humiliation in the extreme.

In other words, if they could form their own words, here’s what accessorized pets would say:

Animated gif of brendan fraser (or some such) saying I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.

3 Responses to “It’s time to tart up your labradoodle”

  1. Savannah September 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm #

    “And has eaten his feelings about it!” I LOLLED!!!

  2. Brandi September 21, 2012 at 8:13 am #

    That is not a pug it’s a Boston terrier. I have 2, they are good peaceful dogs but I’m afraid the addition of that hat would change that…

  3. Little Wooden Shoe October 11, 2012 at 10:38 am #

    I laughed so much with this post! Love it…keep the good work! hugs

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