Tragedy has struck: it’s September 1.
My depression at the dawn of slush season is deep, and can only be expressed fully through poetry.
“It fades–this green this lavish interval
This time of flowers and fruits,
Of melon ripe along the orchard wall,
Of sun and sails and wrinkled linen suits;
Time when the world seems rather plus than minus
And pollen tickles the allergic sinus.
The zinnia withers, mortal as the tulip.
Now from the dripping glass
I’ll sip no more the amateur mint julep
Nor dine al fresco on the alien grass;
Nor scale the height nor breast the truculent billow
Nor lay my head on any weekend pillow.“
To paraphrase Phillys McGinley: fall means no mint juleps, and certainly no “scaling the truculent billow” (ie swimming in harsh waves). Pinterest, unfortunately, tainted all my scaling and juleping by anticipating fall and winter as early as April.
Now, however, autumn pins no longer seem so out of place. They’re like a plague.
I’m not sure if this doorscape says “farmer with an inventory problem” or “Pottery Barn enthusiast with too much money and time.”
So, this door concept requires at least 15 squash, 100 apples, 40 corn stalks, 6 buckets and 4 hay bales. Antique pitchfork? It’ll set you back at least $100 at your local Pier 1.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is the best show on television right now, filling the vacuum left by the end of Mad Men’s fifth season. You know it’s true.
For the next few days, I’ll use quotes by Honey Boo Boo (Alana) and her family to title my posts. As I’ve said, sometimes Pinterest can feel like the Bible Belt’s subconscious personified. June’s family? Ditto.
If you’d like to fit big mama’s description of
herself her family (lopsided, obtuse, traingle, oval), please put on this unflattering poncho:
Peeing in a lake? Don’t want anyone to know?
This is the poncho for you; this stylish sundress will keep you covered while in the water, and that lovely colour will hide stains once you get out. See how satisfied the model looks? Crochet it now.
Just one in a series of nightmare ponchos found on pinterest.
Thanks to @KatySems for submitting this pin!
Do you need no-sew pillow covers? A door wreath for spring made of taffeta and eggshells? A painted washing machine?
Just because a craft is easy, something you can accomplish with materials on hand, doesn’t mean it’s worth doing. I have glitter and egg whites in my house right now. That doesn’t mean I need to go make myself a glittering summer souffle.
Similarly, having a beige throw and a slight chill does not mean that you need to make this poncho. Realistically, it could only be used as a racially-insensitive Pocahontas/Tiger Lily costume.
This belongs in the back of your closet with your poncho of chastity.
Always exercise extreme caution with “clothing” DIY projects that involve glue and blankets.
Okay, so, this is a little boy who cried wolf, but hear me out: I know I’ve said that some pins have made me die of disgust/shame/shock, but some pins are literally deadly.
And by deadly, I mean they can severely injure/maim you.
My question for Anna: What’s the proper treatment for a chemical burn?
No, this is not just some conspiracy to lower the number of those annoyingly crafty DIY-ers; some bloggers genuinely seem to think that mixing vinegar and bleach is a FANTASTIC idea. It’s one that has been repinned countless times.
What’s more important than your health? A sparkling clean washing machine, obviously.
So, for those who skipped science class in high school in favour of home economics, two simple equations:
Bleach + Vinegar = Chlorine Gas
Chlorine Gas + You = Chemical burns, potential death