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It’s only a sweatshirt, Mae

7 Nov

And it’s 80s throwback sweatshirt at that. It really complements those acid-wash jeans.

So, she wants the cross to be bigger? I’m not really sure how this would be feasible, unless the sweatshirt was made into a full-body bedazzled jumpsuit. Shudder.

Stress eating microwave mug cakes, help

6 Nov

It’s too close to call! Pinterest is collectively having conniptions over the election, and so am I.

Comments, repins and likes are flying on Obama and Romney pins. Check back here soon for a big Pinterest election post when the results are announced.

We just CANNOT HAS this again (as if you didn’t know which way I would vote).

I cannot stress-eat one more mug cake over right-wing ignorance or be put in a binder.

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Pierre has some explaining to do

2 Nov

It’s difficult to find a pin of a tattoo without a raging comment war. Those will look hideous when you’re old! You think my old skin will look any better?

It’s rare that I side with the Ink Belongs on Stationary contingent, but in this case…

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When I smoke a nasty Pinterest commenter on this blog…

9 Oct

… And that commenter finds the post, I’m just like:

Feels good.

Guns and Lululemon don’t mix

9 Sep

It’s back to school time! How about a pop quiz?

See if you can identify which of the following statements is false.

  1. Exercise is my favourite thing ever.
  2. Especially running. I love to run.
  3. I love to run at night.
  4. When I run, I love to wear spanx under my running shorts.
  5. In those spanx, I like to conceal a handgun, pointed directly at my ass.
  6. If I was attacked, I would definitely have time to reach into my shorts, into the spanx holster, pull out the gun, and defend myself.

Did you guess all? Congratulations: the correct answer is all, all answers are false.

Here are the true versions of those statements:

  1. Exercise is not my favourite thing ever. As previously discussed, that’s peanut butter fudge.
  2. I don’t run. At all. If I tried, it would be more of a slow lope.
  3. I definitely do not run at night. That time is reserved for writing these posts.
  4. I cannot imagine anything less comfortable than wearing a holstered pair of spanx under my shorts.
  5. I would never carry a concealed weapon in said spanx.
  6. I would probably not have the time to get the gun if I was being attacked.

Most women, when attacked in public, are attacked from behind. In those cases the attacker would probably find the gun before you do. How convenient!

Screencap of a PInterest pin of a pair of under running shorts with a gun holster in the small of the back

If you do jog in a crime-ridden area, there are alternatives that would be much less likely to be used against you.

Isn’t this mace just darling?

Screencap of a Pinterest pin for a pink mace can.

Or, there’s the alarm option. This one comes with a bonus: If your attacker grabs your wrist, he’ll set it off himself!

Screencap of a Pinterest pin of a wrist rape alarm.

The alarm watch could also be a great option for those awkward first meetings in the online dating world. Drinks not going well? Simply press the button without him seeing, tell your him that you have to leave for an important, G14-classified mission, and run out of the bar dramatically.

Tons of fun! In truth, women shouldn’t have to jog with a gun or a rottweiler, mace or a whistle, stay inside and buy a treadmill, or avoid night jogging all together. Violence should be dealt with on the supply side (not that there’s a demand side), with better programs to root out sexism, discourage violence against women and rehabilitate aggressors so they don’t recommit their crimes.

Running spanx- and gun-free is at night is not just a right, but a safety issue. Which is to say: I’d probably shoot myself in the ass. Anyone else?

Pinterest reacts to Todd Akin

22 Aug

Sometimes, Pinterest can seem like a glimpse into the Bible Belt’s subconscious; the social platform definitely tilts right politically and socially.  Pro-life, anti-Obama and camo wedding pins abound. With all the abstinence-only education pins, I thought the conservative communities on Pinterest would rejoice at the publicity around one of their own.

However, Todd Akin’s recent remarks on rape–generally in sync with the GOP’s anti-abortion platform–brought out an unexpected burst of anti-Republican vitriol. Yes, vitriol. Clearly, I’ve spent too much time watching election coverage.

Most pinners are aware of the three solid methods of birth control:

Birth control effectiveness: condoms, 99 percent, birth control, 99 percent, crocs, 100 percent.

Todd Akin, Republican Senate nominee and member of the House Science, Space and Technology committee (yes, really), believes all three methods are superfluous. The most effective form of birth control? Women can shut down pregnancies through sheer force of will!

“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” – Todd Akin

As opposed to an illegitimate rape, through which women get pregnant (serve them right!).

The people of Pinterest, like most people who possess even the slightest understanding of human reproduction, disagreed.

Angry Pinterest pins of Todd Akin

You can even purchase a legitimate rape kit inspired by Todd.

Screencap of a pin, Introducing the Todd Akin Legitimate Rape Kit. If you're pregnant, you were not legitimately raped.Under Todd Akin and the GOP’s planned health care cuts, however, this would probably be closer to the actual cost of a rape kit for women without health insurance–up to $4,570. Should bring the number of reported rapes down! Akin: tough on crime.

What happened to the brave few pro-Akin pinners?

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Glitter and spankings

5 Aug

Apologies to everyone who thought this was a post on Twilight or 50 Shades of Misogyny. No, this is a post about the decidedly unsexy topic of parenting.

There’s a fork in the road of parenting that every mom and dad comes to: the way of glitter, or the way of spanking. Judging from this pin, many Pinterest parents have chosen the well-beaten path of corporal punishment (see what I did there?).

A screencap of a pin for time out glitter bottles, used ot calm a child down. Some have commented that they're a great idea, and someone has said what happened to real discipline.

More pinners bemoan the dearth of spanking below:

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Misogynists of Pinterest

4 Aug

One could say that Pinterest is a rather conservative social platform. The vitriol aimed at more liberally minded pins can be quite astounding, and when conservative men jump in, they bring their chauvinism with them.

TL;DR version: People who believe women should have access to birth control + people who believe humans should only procreate to produce children (or people who think that “private employers” means “taxpayers”) = an explosive comment war, and a prelude to the 2012 presidential election.

According to Jeffrey, sex should be for procreation only. That’s the way it’s always been, isn’t it? That’s why all women until the invention of slut pills in the 60s had about 15 t0 20 children each, OR had sex less maybe 10 times over the course of their entire lives. Yes.

Birth control (and the ability to control the size of one’s family) is a newfangled sin enabler that will surely bring down Western society. It’s provided no benefits to women or men, ever.

A screencap of a pin that says I'm an educated, independent woman, or as  Rush Limbaugh would say, a whore.

Careful, boys:

An animated GIF of robert downey junior in tropic thunder saying you're about to cross some fucking lines.

16-year-olds “trying not to get pregnant” shouldn’t be allowed birth control, apparently. It’s for married women only, because two teenagers would make much better parents than a married couple.

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Morons of Pinterest

2 Aug

Did you know that 82% of Pinterest users are women? It’s kind of hard to miss; anyone who’s been on the social network can tell that it’s female-dominated.

The other 18% of users are usually as civil as that awkward nice guy who somehow wound up as a guest at a bridal shower. Politely outnumbered.

Some men, however, can be as snarkily stupid as Pinterest’s female trolls. Ryan Marta‘s comments on this pin of a 21 year-old model, whose stomach (GOD FORBID) folds when she sits down, is a prime example.

Rather than commentary, I’m just going to use GIFs of Robert Downey Junior in blackface.

A pin of a woman sitting down, with someone commenting underneath, beautiful.

“Controversial”, eh? Ryan certainly thinks so.

Ryan's comments. It would be easier to visit the original pin to read them, simply click on the link. He says that he thinks all women on here must be fatties.


An animated gif of Robert Downey Junior in Tropic Thunder saying To be a moron.

A screencap of Ryan's comments on the pin. He's being an asshole.

An animated gif of Robert Downey Junior in Tropic Thunder saying An imbicle.

Ryan continues on his crusade.

An animated gif of Robert Downey Junior in Tropic Thunder saying Like the dumbest motherfucker who ever lived.

You reap what you sow, Ryan. Hell hath no fire like a woman body-snarked:

A flotillion of women arrive to defend the photo and attack Ryan.

Justice. Sweet, sweet internet justice. Ryan should repent immediately or, as that seems unlikely, get himself off Pinterest and onto a more “man” friendly platform.

Worst pinner awards: “dont be mad that i have good hair and a tight body” edition

26 Jul

Comment wars like this one remind me why I started this blog.

Pinning an image of a woman’s body on Pinterest? Watch out! If that woman is deemed slightly fat or slightly thin, you’re in for a comment war:

  • Initial reactions: “Eat something/stop eating!”
  • Backlash: “Who are you to tell them to eat something/stop eating?”
  • Inevitable peacemaking: “Let’s all just love each other, okay? We’re all different sizes. Group hug.”

Usually,  these comment wars remain quite civil–like the Cuban Missile Crisis, for example. Differing viewpoints are handled with tense diplomacy, and pinners who disagree can usually (narrowly) avoid nuclear war.

Natalie Gendleman? Not so much. She went atomic on an Adele pin, unintentionally producing more LOLs than tears.

A gif of Adele laughing.

Natalie will demonstrate why she doesn’t deserve the mercy of anonymity in her comments, which I’ve screencapped and posted below.

Hey, Natalie? It doesn’t matter if Adele is fat or not, or whether Marilyn Monroe is fatter (?). The problem is your belief that appearance is linked to what’s underneath. Being fat ≠ being evil and alone, the same way that “good hair and a tight body” ≠ popularity, success and love. No one proves the former better than Adele; could that be the source of your petulant mud-slinging?

A moving gif of Adele waving to a cheering, massive crowd.

The original pin, and Natalie’s skillful starting shot:

A pin of Adele on a scooter, with these words superimposed: Adele, you've just won six grammies, what are you going to do? Ride past my ex's house and thank him. A nasty comment war follows. For the accessible version, its probably best to click this image and go read the original pin.

“Skillful starting shot” meaning an insult hurled with all the grace and accuracy of a drunken squirrel firing a antique musket. World, meet one of the most inelegant trolls on the internet.

The apparent inspiration for Natalie’s attitude? A clue from her Pinterest board My peeps:

A screencap of Natalie's personal pin board, My peeps. It has a picture of Blair Waldorf with the text superimposed: keep calm and put on your bitch face.

Oh, Natalie. Blair Waldorf and the Duchess of Cambridge are way too classy to spend their time being inarticulate fatists on the internet.

Natalie’s insults and the resulting backlash go on for over 50 comments. Some highlights for your Pinfuriating reading pleasure:

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