Archive | Wooden platitudes RSS feed for this section

Einstein, faith, and turtles, turtles all the way down

6 Oct

The most popular man on Pinterest? If you guessed one or both of the Hemsworth brothers, you’re wrong. It’s this guy.

Einstein’s inspiring quotes have made him one of the most repinned men on Pinterest. Surely, you’ve seen this one around:

Screencap of a Pinterest pin. Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.

I just love it when pinners write my commentary for me. See Sanderella’s (Great name!) comment for my feelings on the overly generous quote. I get the felling that the above is just Einstein trying to be nice; it doesn’t actually mean that he believes everyone is as smart as he is. See his thoughts on stupidity:

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

Einstein, capable of delivering quite third degree burns verbally, was an exceptionally clever man on all counts. See his theory of relativity, and this quote on mixing patterns:

See? Perfectly logical, and accredited with certainty with more certainty than the insanity below to Einstein, apparently quite the fashionista.

Not all Einstein quotes on Pinterest are, however, drawn from the scientist, or even from common sense. The most pinfuriating “Einstein” repin is probably this missive:

Take time to read, it’s worth reading, trust you? I don’t trust any pin that originates on Facebook from a blacked-out username.

The conversation is supposedly between Einstein and a professor, and in it Einstein successfully proves the existence of God by disproving the teacher’s belief in the scientific process. Maybe. Does something about this pin seem off to you? Congratulations!

Animated gif from ratatouille of a chef toasting the main character, congratulations on your non idiocy.

Something is off: the entire pin. Here’s how the conversation the pin captures would have started if it were drawn from real life, not a religious fantasy of science submitting to faith:

Continue reading

Paternalism alive and well at GOP convention, on Pinterest

2 Sep

Wimmins: without constant guardianship by older males, we just crumble, amirite? Some pinners certainly think so.

Gah! Ferns and a babbling brook! SAVE ME!

Paternalistic pin

Is a boy who can’t even put a hat on correctly capable of protecting anyone from anything? From the look of this picture, the girl has bigger guns than he does. Clearly, she can take on those scary plants she’s turned away from herself.

More sanguine relationship advice from Pinterest’s paternalistic wing:

Pinterest pin saying protect her like a daughter, love her like a wife, respect her like your mother.

Ah, yes. Treating your girlfriend simultaneously like a child, a wife, and your mother. That doesn’t sound like a recipe for disaster at all.

All of these pins equating familial and romantic love really creep me out. Seriously. Anyone else?

Lifesaver in an ocean of Instagram inanities

7 Aug

Pinterest is awash with “life advice” for fedora-wearing youths by fedora-wearing youths, usually in Arial laid over slightly unfocused photos. These pins are presumably created by DSLR-toting bloggers between tweets and weekends terrorizing Montauk.

You know the pins I mean: the half-baked skinny jean proverbs too twee for Postsecret that wind up on Pinterest’s popular page.

Sound familiar? If so, you’ll appreciate this.


Pinfuriating is now on Facebook

6 Jul

Need more Pinfuriating in your life? Like us on Facebook. Right now we’re working on a chevron/peep/mason jar timeline cover pic. Let me know in the comments or at if you’d like me to add anything else!

A monk in a monastery, with one true appetite, learning the point of pointlessness

24 Jun

Pinterest offers many things. Mindless browsing. A bath in the sparkly sea of consumerism. What does the social platform not offer? Credible life advice.

Pour example: You log into Pinterest feeling sad, lonely and hideous. As you browse life advice and motivational quotes, looking for consolation and ways to lead a more fulfilling life, Pinterest wraps its arms around you:

A funny GIf of a lion placing his arms around someone outside his cage, seeming to pull him into a hug. Over the image, text saying What? Listen to me. You are flawless. Flawless.

The effect of Pinterest’s inspirational quotes on pinners with low self-esteem.

In the site’s swamp of pedantic platitudes cleverly camouflaged as warm, comforting, life advice, your spirits may begin to lift. But, make no mistake: within these nice sayings in pretty fonts you are not discovering the key to a happier, healthier you. You are reading a series of letters, for some reason saved as an image, that bear no meaning in real life.

Take a deep breath:

Continue reading

You’re a special flower

21 Jun

When I was in Grade 2, I started at a new elementary school. Unlike my previous school, where teenagers tried to burn down the playground while we were playing on it, this school was fire-free, and covered in inspirational posters. Many of these posters, aimed at children, can now be found on Pinterest posing as wisdom for adults.

On the door the the classroom where I sat in Grade 2 and Grade 4, a well-meaning teacher had hanged the customary “You are Special” poster. Above the quotation floated a shiny field of yellow tulips, with one pink tulip rising above them all. You are the pink flower, the poster said. You are unique.

Even at the tender age of 7, this made no sense to me. What if you were one of the yellow flowers? Wouldn’t it make more sense to show a field of flowers of all different colours?

I know what you’re thinking: cool story, sis. What does this have to do with Pinterest?

Continue reading

Twilight meets feminism on Pinterest’s popular page

17 Jun

There’s nothing I love more than a good comment war, and stumbling across one on Pinterest’s trending pins page can truly make my day.

When that comment war pops up besides a fitting quote, by pure chance, it makes my week. This Twilight pin intersects perfectly with a quote on the other side of the popular pins page.

A commenter says, 'I think some people read into it too much like Edward being in her room when she's sleeping, it's nothing weird he just feels he needs to protect her because he loves her. Across from the pin on the page, is a quote saying that some people need to be high fived in the face with a chair.

Don’t apologize, Angieloo! I’m sure you were being perfectly logical! Never apologize for deconstructing the anti-feminist diatribe that is the Twilight series! It’s so true that “girls see characters, like Bella, as examples on how to behave.”

Some people believe Edward just watches Bella when she’s sleeping because he loves her, and those people need to be high-fived in the face with a chair. Breaking into someone’s house without their consent? Stalking? Despite what Stephanie Meyers tells you, it’s not true love, Twilight fans; it’s not love at all.

Oh, and those heels are just foul.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 94 other followers