Tag Archives: ideas

Want to play a game today?

27 Nov

You’ve written inspiring mantras on post-its for their ensuite bathroom mirrors, breastfed exclusively for four years, and you hand-sew all of their organic clothing–but you’re not sure if your kids feel special enough.

What to do, what to do.

Here’s an idea: don’t write on their bananas. Put down that ballpoint pen, step back from your granite kitchen island, and think about what you’re doing. You’re writing on a banana–it’s the perfect storm of sweet and creep. Later, when you complain to your friends about how busy you are, remember this moment: you spent time you could have used to read or nap to write on a banana.

Also, as everyone knows, bananas that talk are pretty creepy:

That show provided me with a childhood’s worth of nightmares.

Most children who are given an inscribed banana will reach one of two conclusions:

1. The bananas love them and want to play with them.

2. Their parents are emotionally needy and insane.

I can’t get over the third banana–let’s play a game. Straight out of Saw.

Halloween ideas from the aisles of your local Walmart

1 Aug

Bullying is never the victim’s fault. The girl who got her ears pinned back to stop the bullying? Bad idea; her tormentors have been taught their comments were her fault.

That being said.

Dressing your child up in this costume may make you responsible for the bullying she receives.

A screencap of a kid dressed up as craft dinner, with noodles made out of toilet paper rolls, for Halloween.

Yes, it’s made out of toilet paper rolls. No, that does not make it more adorable.

I find dressing up kids as products a disturbing reflection of our consumerist, brand-obsessed culture, but more than that: this kid will not make it out of Halloween alive.

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