Tag Archives: parenting

Want to play a game today?

27 Nov

You’ve written inspiring mantras on post-its for their ensuite bathroom mirrors, breastfed exclusively for four years, and you hand-sew all of their organic clothing–but you’re not sure if your kids feel special enough.

What to do, what to do.

Here’s an idea: don’t write on their bananas. Put down that ballpoint pen, step back from your granite kitchen island, and think about what you’re doing. You’re writing on a banana–it’s the perfect storm of sweet and creep. Later, when you complain to your friends about how busy you are, remember this moment: you spent time you could have used to read or nap to write on a banana.

Also, as everyone knows, bananas that talk are pretty creepy:

That show provided me with a childhood’s worth of nightmares.

Most children who are given an inscribed banana will reach one of two conclusions:

1. The bananas love them and want to play with them.

2. Their parents are emotionally needy and insane.

I can’t get over the third banana–let’s play a game. Straight out of Saw.

Men only good for elaborate proposals, after that: useless

23 Sep

Pinterest has posited many noble roles for men in the domestic sphere. These include, and are pretty much limited to:

  • Elaborate proposal planners who have booked a secret photographer and a flash mob
  • Unwilling whip-weilding actors in 50 Shades of Grey fantasies
  • Mason jar craft installers and admirers

Note that none of these roles include domestic work–cooking, cleaning, childrearing. That’s for the wimmins! According to the oft-pinned Proverbs 31, men should be off doing a whole lotta nothing, “sitteth-ing among the elders of the land.” The modern version? Grand Theft Auto, obviously.

Screencap of a pin of a dad and his son playing grand theft auto,

Men as equal partners in childcare–hilarious, amirite?

This pin, like Febreeze and laundry and cat litter commercials, normalizes unequal division of household labour.

Screencap of a Pinterest pin of parenting techniques, mom versus dads.

Men, obviously, just aren’t capable of this child rearing stuff. This pin may seem harmless because it makes it seem like housework is beyond men, but really, it come from an ideology that says domesticity is beneath them.

And you know what? It kind of puts pressure on women, too. What woman makes a turkey every night? What woman wouldn’t tie her daughter’s hair with a zip tie in a pinch?

Screencap of a pin of a girl with her hair done with a zip tie, with text superimposed saying dads get the kids ready for school.

Some men, obviously, do think that way, and skimp on domesticity; all those depressing studies about division of labour evince this. The stereotypes, I think, just encourage their lackluster domestic performance, and alienate dads who do “pitch in.”

If you find these pins as dispiriting as I do, you can take comfort in the the ones that promote active, involved fatherhood. Let’s face it: it’s kinda hot.

Screencap of a pin of a very sexy man walking down the street with a baby in a moby wrap sling.

Repin, repin, repin!

Glitter and spankings

5 Aug

Apologies to everyone who thought this was a post on Twilight or 50 Shades of Misogyny. No, this is a post about the decidedly unsexy topic of parenting.

There’s a fork in the road of parenting that every mom and dad comes to: the way of glitter, or the way of spanking. Judging from this pin, many Pinterest parents have chosen the well-beaten path of corporal punishment (see what I did there?).

A screencap of a pin for time out glitter bottles, used ot calm a child down. Some have commented that they're a great idea, and someone has said what happened to real discipline.

More pinners bemoan the dearth of spanking below:

Continue reading

Halloween ideas from the aisles of your local Walmart

1 Aug

Bullying is never the victim’s fault. The girl who got her ears pinned back to stop the bullying? Bad idea; her tormentors have been taught their comments were her fault.

That being said.

Dressing your child up in this costume may make you responsible for the bullying she receives.

A screencap of a kid dressed up as craft dinner, with noodles made out of toilet paper rolls, for Halloween.

Yes, it’s made out of toilet paper rolls. No, that does not make it more adorable.

I find dressing up kids as products a disturbing reflection of our consumerist, brand-obsessed culture, but more than that: this kid will not make it out of Halloween alive.


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