… And that commenter finds the post, I’m just like:
First they came for X-Factor, and I didn’t speak out because, whatever, I don’t watch that show.
Then they came for Twitter, and I didn’t tweet out because I didn’t want to incur their wrath. I like my trending topics news related, not overwhelmed by prepubescent games of red rover between boy band fan groups, but their ability to swarm-attack is terrifying.
Then they came for Pinterest, and there were no other platforms I could use to complain where they wouldn’t overwhelm me.
You know who I’m talking about: One Direction fans.
Pardon me, 1D. Like a swarm of insatiable baby locusts, they will not be satisfied until every platform on earth has been consumed by their bubblegum pop and bitter wars of attrition with Beliebers and The Wanted fans.
I first noticed their presence when these pins became more and more plentiful on the popular page. These pins are called One Direction Facts, or two seconds of my life that I would very much like to get back but, tragically, cannot.
This is stupid, Jessica.
I now know that “Zayn” and “Liam” once had a fight that was resolved with a hug. Thinking about what other more relevant factoid was pushed out of my brain to make room for that one upsets me. The capital of South Dakota? The year Canada was founded? I’ll never know.
Oh, and a note for Amy: resolving a conflict with a hug doesn’t make you gay, it makes you sane, adorable, and probably British.
Niall’s early olive branch, sadly, did not lead to a lasting peace between the Bieber and 1D factions.
Things I didn’t need to know, #98137. I’m going to go wash out my brain and eyes with soap in the… sink.
If Pinterest had a smell, it might just be hairspray and desperation. Desperate Pinterest stalking? We’ve all done it; Pinterest definitely has equivalents to the needy “I FOLLOW BACK” crowd on Twitter.
How can you demonstrate your admiration for someone’s pins without creeping anyone out? No idea, but my progression through Pinterest’s levels of affection is as follows.
When I give someone a like, it’s like:
When I leave a gushing comment on one of their pins:
When they don’t respond to my overtures, and I follow all of their boards anyway:
Yeah, sometimes I get overenthusiastic like that. Totally failed on the “not creeping anyone out” front. Unrequited Pinterest love is painful. TLC: why you no follow me back?
All GIFs are from this awesome Tumblr.
Part of a week long series of posts with titles inspired by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, because, why not?
Sometimes, Pinterest can seem like a glimpse into the Bible Belt’s subconscious; the social platform definitely tilts right politically and socially. Pro-life, anti-Obama and camo wedding pins abound. With all the abstinence-only education pins, I thought the conservative communities on Pinterest would rejoice at the publicity around one of their own.
However, Todd Akin’s recent remarks on rape–generally in sync with the GOP’s anti-abortion platform–brought out an unexpected burst of anti-Republican vitriol. Yes, vitriol. Clearly, I’ve spent too much time watching election coverage.
Most pinners are aware of the three solid methods of birth control:
Todd Akin, Republican Senate nominee and member of the House Science, Space and Technology committee (yes, really), believes all three methods are superfluous. The most effective form of birth control? Women can shut down pregnancies through sheer force of will!
“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” – Todd Akin
As opposed to an illegitimate rape, through which women get pregnant (serve them right!).
The people of Pinterest, like most people who possess even the slightest understanding of human reproduction, disagreed.
You can even purchase a legitimate rape kit inspired by Todd.
Under Todd Akin and the GOP’s planned health care cuts, however, this would probably be closer to the actual cost of a rape kit for women without health insurance–up to $4,570. Should bring the number of reported rapes down! Akin: tough on crime.
What happened to the brave few pro-Akin pinners?
Apologies to everyone who thought this was a post on Twilight or 50 Shades of Misogyny. No, this is a post about the decidedly unsexy topic of parenting.
There’s a fork in the road of parenting that every mom and dad comes to: the way of glitter, or the way of spanking. Judging from this pin, many Pinterest parents have chosen the well-beaten path of corporal punishment (see what I did there?).
More pinners bemoan the dearth of spanking below:
Did you know that 82% of Pinterest users are women? It’s kind of hard to miss; anyone who’s been on the social network can tell that it’s female-dominated.
The other 18% of users are usually as civil as that awkward nice guy who somehow wound up as a guest at a bridal shower. Politely outnumbered.
Some men, however, can be as snarkily stupid as Pinterest’s female trolls. Ryan Marta‘s comments on this pin of a 21 year-old model, whose stomach (GOD FORBID) folds when she sits down, is a prime example.
Rather than commentary, I’m just going to use GIFs of Robert Downey Junior in blackface.
“Controversial”, eh? Ryan certainly thinks so.
You reap what you sow, Ryan. Hell hath no fire like a woman body-snarked:
Justice. Sweet, sweet internet justice. Ryan should repent immediately or, as that seems unlikely, get himself off Pinterest and onto a more “man” friendly platform.
Should I rename this blog, simply, Things Snooki Would Like? Perhaps.
Pinterest is actually stuffed with products the entire Jersey Cast would endorse, and many of them can be found on this “All Things Cheetah/Leopard” board.
The elusive bunny of the serengeti submits to a rare photograph. Later, unfortunately, that bunny was captured and turned into this: