Tag Archives: christmas

How the sober and imaginative celebrate the season

19 Dec

It’s Christmastime on Pinterest, as you’ve probably noticed. Right now the platform is one giant red and green explosion of holiday cheer, chock full of fantastic and strange ways to celebrate the birth of Santa.

I’d hazard to guess that he Christmases of Pinterest look very different from those enjoyed by most trapped with their families this week. Where are the pics of people downing wine in the kitchen so they can tolerate their inlaws? Whither the black-ice road rage? Rum-soaked turkey recipes? While family and friends I’m familiar with play rousing rounds of dodge-that-inlaw and pretend-you-love-the-yams, some pinners have more creative solutions.

The holidays on Pinterest are strikingly sober. I’ve often asked myself how the multitudes of Pinterest users with nary an alcohol pin survive the season, and I think I’ve found my answer. Get the leggings and tennis balls, kids: it’s time to play… Flying Christmas Scrotum.

Two men bend over with leggings on their heads, stuffed with a tennis ball in each foot, apparently trying to knock over a water bottle.

Doesn’t this look like a fun way to spend your dry Christmas eve? Here’s how to play:

  1. Take your water bottles out of your recycling pin.
  2. Put your dignity in there instead.
  3. Refill the water bottles until they’re almost full–the heavier they are, the more you risk whiplash. What’s Christmas without a neck injury?
  4. Find several pairs of children’s stockings and tennis balls.
  5. Try to knock over the water bottles by spinning your head like a mid-nineties metal head.
  6. Attain whiplash.

It’s reminiscent of my version, where there are wine bottles all over the floor and my friends and I try not to trip and die on them.

Traditions like this kind of make me want to switch to Kwanzaa. Who’s with me? I already have a great recipe in mind!

‘Tis the season to drink sangria, not to be jolly/merry

18 Jul

Spotted: Christmas pins. Already.

In case you’ve forgotten, it’s July. It’s 400 degrees outside, and you can’t escape the sounds of the cicadas hissing in the trees. It’s the sound of heat. Presumably, it would reach you even if you were indoors. At your computer. On Pinterest.

Which is why I don’t understand why this sort of stuff keeps popping up. TOO SOON.

A pin of a craft idea for an advent calendar, featuring santa.

I WILL NOT HAVE THIS @(#*$. I will not have it.

A photo of a couple in black and white, kissing, framed by two coloured red and white candy canes that they're holding out, shaped like a heart.


Of course, the crochet community has gotten in on the season to be jolly already. They’ve taken on Pingu, one of my closest childhood imaginary friends.

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