Tag Archives: fashion

Baby, it’s cold outside…

26 Nov

…but it will never be cold enough for a chest-puppetted dress like this.


A head-to-toe sock monkey dress.

I know what you’re thinking: it’s cute, but when would I ever wear it?


The only redeemable quality of this scratchy woollen nightmare is the quasi-practical monkey backpack, and upon closer inspection, it doesn’t even work.

When would this be appropriate? Who wants the Eye of Sauron, red-chimpanzee fabric on their butt, or cutesy boobs?

Unless you’re planning a very sweaty Halloween or a very crazy Christmas, like most of the trending fashion looks on Pinterest, this look shouldn’t make the leap from your boards to your closet.

It’s only a sweatshirt, Mae

7 Nov

And it’s 80s throwback sweatshirt at that. It really complements those acid-wash jeans.

So, she wants the cross to be bigger? I’m not really sure how this would be feasible, unless the sweatshirt was made into a full-body bedazzled jumpsuit. Shudder.

Two terrible trends collide

3 Sep

Tutu and camo have come together to create this unholy bastard child of an outfit, apparently intended for children. What did children ever do to you, Tyffani?

Screencap of a Pinterest pin of a pink camo and tutu dress.

Stuff for the kids? No. With a matching headpiece? HECK NO.

Scenarios in which this dress could be appropriate:

  • Paintball bachelorette
  • Wal-Mart
  • Flamingo hunting

Scenarios where it’s definitely inappropriate:

  • Anywhere else, for example, in a child’s closet, on a baby

Our hair has always been washed in the kitchen sink

26 Aug

When you have to get your hair did in the kitchen sink like Alana’s mama, and your preferred style involves a metric ton of hydrogen peroxide, mishaps can occur.

For example, you could end up looking like the spawn of a hipster and one of those plastic trolls.

Hayley, this “ombre” hairstyle is literally trolling you. Lesson learned? Never re-pin anything from a Tumblr entitled “velvet gh0st.”

A pinterest screencap of a girl with bleached blue and pink hair.

The shoes and knee socks say girly innocence, and the sweatshirt dress, hair and headpiece say Very Mary Kate has escaped rehab and fallen into a vat of bleach. Ombre has never looked less beautimous.

Part of a week long series of posts with titles inspired by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, because, why not?

Delete it if you dare

19 Aug

The sheer number of bizarre comments on Pinterest indicates that the tool is less than intuitive. Perhaps it’s the automatic posting after hitting enter that trips up some people, or its similarity in appearance to the function for choosing a board.

Or, perhaps Pinterest attracts, more than any other social network, multitudes of innocent newbs who don’t really understand how to use the internet.

Case in point: this pin, found on a tattoo board created by someone who should really just settle on the word “hipster” on their forehead in a hipster font from Lost Type.

A screencap of a pin from pinterest, showing a kate moss cover of New York magazine. Comment reads chicken garbage bread.

I’m not a huge Kate Moss fan, so “chicken garbage bread” actually kind of works as a descriptor for me.

I also like chicken and bread, so I’m off to make this.

Aren’t you cold?

14 Aug

I’m turning into an old lady.

But, I mean, seriously. This is the sort of thing that makes me long for the Tiger Lily blanket and the poncho of chastity.

A screencap of a Pinterest pin showing a girl in a shredded rock'n'roll tshirt and undone shorts. Presumably, this is clothing.

Does this constitute clothing? Would this even pass at Bonnaroo? The Stones tour of ’78? Maybe Burning Man. More importantly: why would anyone do that to a concert t-shirt? And what did that pair of denim underwear ever do to her?

Wait: just noticed the stripper pole in the background. Now it all makes sense.

Halloween ideas from the aisles of your local Walmart

1 Aug

Bullying is never the victim’s fault. The girl who got her ears pinned back to stop the bullying? Bad idea; her tormentors have been taught their comments were her fault.

That being said.

Dressing your child up in this costume may make you responsible for the bullying she receives.

A screencap of a kid dressed up as craft dinner, with noodles made out of toilet paper rolls, for Halloween.

Yes, it’s made out of toilet paper rolls. No, that does not make it more adorable.

I find dressing up kids as products a disturbing reflection of our consumerist, brand-obsessed culture, but more than that: this kid will not make it out of Halloween alive.

Pins Snooki Would Like: Part 2

31 Jul

Should I rename this blog, simply, Things Snooki Would Like? Perhaps.
An image of a leopard toilet seta cover, screencap from a pin on Pinterest.

Pinterest is actually stuffed with products the entire Jersey Cast would endorse, and many of them can be found on this “All Things Cheetah/Leopard” board.


An image of a bunny with cheetah print superimposed, looking like some sort of serengeti bunny.

The elusive bunny of the serengeti submits to a rare photograph. Later, unfortunately, that bunny was captured and turned into this:

Continue reading


9 Jul

When I see certain pins, I can sometimes turn into the John of Garfield Minus Garfield. Disturbed, senile, disoriented–some pins take a toll on my sanity.

This is one of those pins.

Be prepared for the trend that says, “I’m a prostitute who stumbled across a crime scene” and “I love vampires” AND “I lost track of my schedule this month.” If you know what I mean–you thought it too!

AN image of a pin from pinterest, of shoes splattered with red paint, as if with blood. Very gross.

This is such a typical Pinterest pin. Questionable fashion? Check. Argument about a spam bot? Check. Inexplicable number of repins? 1351 crazy, potentially vampire-obsessed people agree that these shoes are awesome.

And they’re not the only ones on the market.

Another pin of blood splattered shoes. Gross trend.

You know a trend is real when it comes with a knock-off. Le sigh.

UPDATE: GAH! is now available for men, too! You and your partner can tackily, horrifically match. Perfect for Halloween, not so much for every other day of the year.

Huge, lush, romantic, stupid hair

23 May

How do you plan to style your hair for your forced-whimsical engagement shoot? Pinterest has tons of great ideas. Let’s start with this one, with a whopping 923+ repins, which I have christened the “Zooey Deschanel Gets the Dirty Twirlies After Four Flutes of Champagne”:

An image of an over the top, bouffant blonde hair style pinned to Pinterest

Break out the extensions, stamina and bump-its, ladies. This hairstyle requires much more than hair.

The goal of most hairstyles on Pinterest seems to be making your ‘do so big that you look tiny in comparison. Big hair–that is, bigger than your face and torso–is slimming.

But what if you want to go, GASP, even bigger?

Continue reading


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