… And that commenter finds the post, I’m just like:
First they came for X-Factor, and I didn’t speak out because, whatever, I don’t watch that show.
Then they came for Twitter, and I didn’t tweet out because I didn’t want to incur their wrath. I like my trending topics news related, not overwhelmed by prepubescent games of red rover between boy band fan groups, but their ability to swarm-attack is terrifying.
Then they came for Pinterest, and there were no other platforms I could use to complain where they wouldn’t overwhelm me.
You know who I’m talking about: One Direction fans.
Pardon me, 1D. Like a swarm of insatiable baby locusts, they will not be satisfied until every platform on earth has been consumed by their bubblegum pop and bitter wars of attrition with Beliebers and The Wanted fans.
I first noticed their presence when these pins became more and more plentiful on the popular page. These pins are called One Direction Facts, or two seconds of my life that I would very much like to get back but, tragically, cannot.
This is stupid, Jessica.
I now know that “Zayn” and “Liam” once had a fight that was resolved with a hug. Thinking about what other more relevant factoid was pushed out of my brain to make room for that one upsets me. The capital of South Dakota? The year Canada was founded? I’ll never know.
Oh, and a note for Amy: resolving a conflict with a hug doesn’t make you gay, it makes you sane, adorable, and probably British.
Niall’s early olive branch, sadly, did not lead to a lasting peace between the Bieber and 1D factions.
Things I didn’t need to know, #98137. I’m going to go wash out my brain and eyes with soap in the… sink.
Sometimes, Pinterest’s popular page is a swamp of crazy nail ideas. Most involve owls, ombre, glitter or bows–or some combination of the four. These elaborate nail schemes are perfect for women with a lot of time on their hands and, perhaps, a few self-esteem gaps to fill.
Some nail designs say pretty and summertime, and some recall A River Runs Through It–not exactly catching the type of compliments the original pinner was looking for.
Giving you a big air-high-five right now, Renee.
If Pinterest had a smell, it might just be hairspray and desperation. Desperate Pinterest stalking? We’ve all done it; Pinterest definitely has equivalents to the needy “I FOLLOW BACK” crowd on Twitter.
How can you demonstrate your admiration for someone’s pins without creeping anyone out? No idea, but my progression through Pinterest’s levels of affection is as follows.
When I give someone a like, it’s like:
When I leave a gushing comment on one of their pins:
When they don’t respond to my overtures, and I follow all of their boards anyway:
Yeah, sometimes I get overenthusiastic like that. Totally failed on the “not creeping anyone out” front. Unrequited Pinterest love is painful. TLC: why you no follow me back?
All GIFs are from this awesome Tumblr.